Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Because it would interrupt their tea time. 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. Please read here for more information. 22. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". the flag cant jump. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Please add a link to this article. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Golf Quotes About Life 22. "I'm the best. Because they might get a slice. Wodehouse, 31. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. I stepped on a rake. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Best Funny Golf Memes and Pictures in 2023 - MemesBams I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Learn More. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. ~ Victor Hugo. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. 3. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. It will test your patience. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Why not! Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. All the fans are gone! And it matters how we go about attaining them. I give him the driver. They have been there where we are standing now. I stepped on a rake.". Whats the difference between golf and sex? Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. 2. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures Andy. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. I know what to look for. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Nuts! "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. You swing left and the ball goes right. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Dirty Golf - pinterest.com Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. I'm pretty good with my short putts. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Nothing. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Do you share these funny golf jokes? Don't worry to do dirty jobs. Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram Lee Trevino, 59. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. At the golf corpse! Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Required fields are marked *. Peter Jacobson, 33. - Bobby Jones I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. On the Green In Two. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. ~ Sijin Bt. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. happen again! J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Twelfth son of the Lama. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Dirty Golf Sayings. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. And that thought is: Dont think. I'm Tiger Woods. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Please sign up with your best email address. Its just really hard to play. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. It took one afternoon on the golf course. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Its to move on. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Clubbing. He attacks it. Are you looking for some funny jokes? Golf is more complicated than that. Required fields are marked *. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Wanna be my caddy? Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. 1. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Because all the other four letter words were taken. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Try choking donw on the shaft. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't Bye Bye Birdie. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. I like to go low. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? I . Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. clubs. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Play golf. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. I chipped in from the rough! Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. "Golf is like a love affair. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Go to the golf course. Your email address will not be published. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. -Happy Gilmore. And now it will be poisoned for you. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! putt." 4. 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation ", Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. 45 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games Whos there? If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking.
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